Summary: Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world. And sometimes, your best friend is Wally West, which can make your waking - and dreaming - life very strange.
Note: orignally posted on FF.net. I am the same author. All song lyrics are bolded.
“You’ll never guess where I just came from!” Robin cried, so excited that he nearly wiped out in the doorway to the den.
Only Wally was there, however, and he smirked as he looked over his shoulder from the video game. “You just had sex!”
“No-wait, what?” Robin asked, his excitement momentarily forgotten. “Did you really just say that?”
“Well, have you ever had sex? You’d be that excited.”
“Wally,” Robin said slowly. “I think you’ve been watching too many movies.”
Said boy shrugged and went back to his game.
“Don’t you wanna know what happened?” Robin asked petulantly, falling into the thick armchair that he frequented.
“Not if you didn’t have sex,” Wally said.
“Is your brain hardwired to ask about sex?” Robin cried, standing back up. He didn’t wait for an answer and stalked out of the room.
Kaldur passed him, probably going for a swim. “Robin, what’s wrong?” the older teen asked, stopping.
“Wally’s being an idiot, as usual, and wouldn’t listen to what just happened to me,” the thirteen-year-old replied, a little of his previous excitement flaring back up. Maybe Kaldur would listen!
Kaldur’s face drew together in thought, but then he got an ‘Aha!’ look on his face. “You just had sex!” the Atlantean guessed with a triumphant grin on his face.
“What? NO!” Robin fumed, storming off. “I DID NOT JUST HAVE SEX!”
Kaldur frowned, but shrugged and continued on his way.
“This doesn’t really make sense,” Robin groaned, stomping past Connor’s door. The clone poked his head out at the loud (to him) grumbling coming from the smaller boy.
“What doesn’t?” he asked, causing the other to stop in his tracks.
“Oh, Superboy,” he laughed nervously. “You actually startled me that time.”
“What doesn’t make sense?” Connor asked again, a little more firmly.
“Wally and Kaldur wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell them what just happened.” Robin hoped that Superboy might be a little more understanding.
The clone’s eyes widened, but instead of saying anything, he quickly withdrew back into his room, and Robin sighed. He turned to go, but quickly spun around at the sound of a loud thump. He grasped the edges of the doorway to see Superboy, wearing a hat, scarf, and jacket, pick up a pair of gloves and jump onto the bed.
“Connor, what are you doing?” Robin shouted, but was drowned out by a stereo blasting music.
“Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world.”
Wally and Kaldur were suddenly there as well, and had sung the phrase in time to the music. They were dressed similarly to Superboy, but had earmuffs instead of hats. Connor, not to be left out, joined in with, “Oh, Akon, and Lonely Island!”
“You don’t know how to express yourself so, you just gotta sing!” Wally and Kaldur countered.
“I just had sex!” Connor started, and Wally and Kaldur joined in with an ‘ay!’ thrown into the mix. “And it felt so good!”
“Felt so good!”
“AHHHHH!” Robin screamed, jerking awake and sitting up quickly in bed. His erratic breathing began to slow, and he looked around.
In my room at the manor, he thought with relief.
He jumped out of bed, stretching as he did so. The slightly-too-short pajama shirt rode up a little, but he tugged it back down as he walked out into the hallway.
Robin walked down the stairs, trying to not make them creak. Alfred would only wake up and try to find something to make for the “growing young master,” as he put it, and Robin really only wanted to sneak one of Alfred’s homemade chocolate chip cookies.
He wasn’t the only one up at midnight, however, as Bruce was sitting at the table. The older man glanced at his watch, but didn’t say anything.
“You OK?” the man asked gruffly.
“Yeah,” Robin said, averting his eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me? I would’ve gone with on patrol.”
Bruce gave him a small smile. “You’ve been tossed around like a rag doll the past couple days, and you want to go on patrol? Should I check for brain damage?”
“Maybe,” Robin muttered, sitting down across from him at the table. “I did have the strangest dream, though…”
Bruce got a strange look in his eye, and he stood without another word and left, only to come back a moment later wearing…
He was in a hat, coat, gloves, and scarf, and he grabbed one of Alfred’s wooden spoons and began to sing, “I just had sex! And it felt so good!”
Robin jerked awake once again, finding Wally standing next to his bed at Mt. Justice.
“Dude, you OK?” the speedster asked, concern briefly flitting through.
“No,” Robin groaned, leaning back against his pillow. “I’m not. I had, like, a dream within a dream…”
“Was it the I Just Had Sex one again?” Wally asked sympathetically.
“Wait, how did you know…”
“Because you talk in your sleep,” Wally snickered. “I mean, really, would I seriously sing ‘I JUST HAD SEX!’”
Robin pinched himself, several times, trying to wake up again as his best friend began to sing that horrible song again, but was forced to endure it as, after his arm was red and practically torn open, he admitted defeat.